Monday, August 27, 2012

And so we wait

After weeks of worry about an appeal for termination of rights for the kids father, we learned today it didn't happen. What we did learn is a new twist. After countless "twists" in our case recently I just want to throw out there that we're actually asking for all possible scenarios up front...every time and more than once. We're told the same answer by everyone and then when we get these little unexpected outcomes we hear that they've never had to deal with it before...we're that "special case". Yea us!

There's plenty I wish I could vent about but I can't share any details. We've finally gotten to the point where the State wants us to consult legal counsel and it's not for the reasons we hoped.  The news means we are potentially looking at being Foster Parents for the next year plus.

Focusing on the positive it means that we have potentially that long where we won't be paying for daycare and we can keep setting aside the monthly payments which are growing into quite a sizable nest egg for each of the kids. We also get free camping and discounts to some kids centric things like the Children's Museum.

The reason I'm discouraged other than the constant worry of losing the kids is the burdens of the system which don't seem too bad until the first of the month rolls around and they all start again. We have to meet with a team of people supporting the kids which includes their assigned social worker, our social worker, the Guardian ad litem, a team of nurses, and physical therapists. We try to combine appointments when possible but it's never less than at least 3. That means leaving work early, getting the house ready for inspection, and preparing ourselves for being questioned on how we're parenting the kids and hoping they are making the expected progress. Everyone tries to be unobtrusive but there's no way around it, it just is.

In addition to all the visits there's the limitations our kids experience by being "in the system". We have to take them every 6 months to one of the few dentists that accepts State medical. It's pretty dismal and the kids are traumatized, hysterically crying every time. We're limited on doctors as well but thankfully like our current one. We also have the heavy restrictions on who can watch the kids which makes for exhausted parents with very rare breaks.

I find myself once again extremely thankful for the kids current age. We got the joy of experiencing a new born straight from the hospital as well as countless firsts for them both. They are oblivious to their situation as they don't have visits with birth parents or even a memory of them so there's no questions for us. I have the hardest time understanding how what the state is doing is in the best interest of the kids, keeping their outcome of a permanent home in question for years on end. If they had been older when they were placed with us, it would be a VERY different struggle and I feel for the kids and Foster Parents who have to battle with that question everyday. Parents often wish they could take the pain of something for their kids and in this case we can. They are just going to grow up thinking every toddler has to meet with all these random adults every month and talk about all the things they are learning.

The bottom line is we are still confident we'll have the kids in the end barring any random family member that decides to play hero and is successful in jumping through all the hoops (which are significant at this point).

1 comment:

  1. Sarah, I have no words. There aren't adequate words for what you are going through and there never seems to be rhyme or reason. I am so sorry.

    On the 11th we hit the two year mark with our Zoe and only 5 months since the adoption. Even now, I fantasize about if we had gotten Zoe younger. It has only been five months since I could confidently say, "Zoe, you are ours! You will stay with us forever!" I am so grateful for that.

    You and Jarom are great parents! When you come out on top, I hope you will look back knowing you did a wonderful job. Doing what you are doing is not for the weak of heart. Onward and upward. Good luck finding an amazing lawyer!