Tuesday, July 24, 2012

The wait continues

I've often been told people think you worry for just a period of time as your kids grow out of a phase but in reality you worry the rest of your life once you become a parent. I get that and expected it but I didn't expect the same with our adoption roller coaster. We learned late last week the answer to my question of "I wonder what their alleged father was doing while such important decisions were being made."...He was on his way to the court house. We missed each other by 30 minutes and he was granted another hearing which happened today.

We knew it would be one of two outcomes. The termination judgement made last week would be overturned or he would be advised on how to appeal. Thankfully the later was the outcome however he has 30 days to do so which means more potential delays and concern for us. Do I or our social workers think he'll be successful in an appeal...no. But after the burden of worry about loosing the kids was lifted last week it feels twice as heavy to take it back on. I'm in tears now just thinking about it. It was doubly hard as we didn't even know there was an appeal process because it never came up when their mother's rights were terminated.

Of course as I google about the appeal process in WA I find worst case scenario articles about how birth parents come back years after an adoption is finalized to contest it. This was the last thing I needed to read. I'm trying to keep a positive outlook and I still feel like everything will work out in the end but I feel as if we're getting ready to face one last battle which is the biggest yet and my energy reserves for pulling through are near empty.

When I'm with the kids I don't have time to even think about it and one look at their faces makes me confident. When I've just put them to bed like now and I actually have a moment to stop and think...I feel defeated and just wonder how much longer I can take it.

It's just too much so I'm going to have to focus on the positive. I'm thankful the decision was not overturned today, that might have been enough to do me in. I'm thankful I was not in court today and didn't have to have an awkward and potentially disturbing run in with the birth mom and alleged father. I'm thankful the end is very near. Please just continue to think of us and pray for us to have the strength to continue this fight all while doing our best for the kids.

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