Sunday, July 15, 2012

Ball of Nerves

We're just two sleeps away from a day I've been anxious about (although trying my BEST not to be). Two months ago I was looking forward to my birthday which also happened to be what we expected to be the final court date before the kids were legally free. The State expected the same and had us meet with an adoption specialist and told us not to even bother going to the court date because it would be uneventful. All that changed the Friday before Father's Day when there was renewed interest from the kids alleged father. I know first hand the kids are worth fighting for so I can't blame him but at the same time it's so hard on us. Us is of course just Jay and I because the kids are oblivious (thank God!), it's business as usual for them.

So now we wait to see what happens at court and how serious this interest is. The kids social worker expects things to get delayed but still remains firm in her belief the kids will be with us for the long run. In my gut I feel that as well but I'm not looking forward to this next spiral in the adoption roller coaster.

One thing is certain which is we're quickly approaching the way or the other. Kids in our state stay in care about a max of 15 months (ideally). This means the state will be looking to find a permanent situation for them sooner rather than later.  Of course we hope with all that we are their forever home is with us. It just puts new perspective on each day. We're close to 13 months so every day we get with the kids is savored wondering if we'll remember back on this time without them here to reminisce with or it will just be a memory of when we were a younger family like most other families have.

I'm amazed at how the kids have grown. We're thinking about potty training Little Miss when this time last year we were working on getting her not to eat everything in sight. She's now pointing out the window and saying "meow" meaning she thinks the squirrels are actually cats. She lovingly puts her babies to bed several times a day including her babies stroller. She's such a little mother to her toys and her brother. She also proudly says her name (the one we'll be giving her should we be able to adopt) and her current first name. It's just about the sweetest sounding thing ever.

Little Dude isn't a baby anymore and I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around that. Today he showed me he knows how to hug, blow his nose, and repeat a lot of words. I don't give him credit for this stuff or even try to have him do it because I keep thinking of him as my baby. He's not, he is without a doubt a toddler now.

Last summer I wondered if we'd have the kids at this moment and of course we still do. I wasn't sure if Jay and I would be able to go to bed at the same time again or when we'd ever sleep through the night. It took about 6 months before we went to bed at the same time and 8 months until we consistently all slept through the night. I matched my shirts to the moby wrap that was clean and now those shirts feel like I have a big accessory of my little guy missing. I couldn't wait to get out of the house for a trip to Target to get some needed essential and now I just want to stay home and play with the kids.

The list goes on and on. We've all come so far in a year and my friend Steph was right, it got better...a lot faster than I could have imagined. I love who we've become and who we are when we're together. I've been taking a lot of mental snapshots these days because things seem about perfect. I hope we're quickly approaching the next big thing to celebrate. It's time to sit back and see God's plan unfold and keep on doing the best I can each day.

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