4 Month Marker

Today is special because it marks four months since we became a family.  It's flown by and looking back has me realize how far each of us has come since we met.

We now have a walker and both kids eating solids. Jay and I are skilled at diaper changing and dressing the child who doesn't see a need for clothes. Both kids smile when they see us and take comfort in our arms when they are upset. The kids know each other and now smile and laugh together. Development for each of us as people has grown considerably with many important lessons learned along the way.

Some lessons I've learned myself worth sharing are a bit taboo to talk about. Before we decided to chose adoption as a way to build our family I had worries about missing out on the birth experience. I wondered how much missing the bonding while being pregnant and the miracle of birth would impact the relationship between parent and child as well as husband and wife. I don't doubt these are the  most joyous moments in life but I can tell you with 100% conviction the fact that I missed them for both these kids doesn't matter in the least. It's not possible for me to love them more. If anything we feel like we are really lucky to be experiencing an infant and a toddler at the same time. How many other people get the joy of a 1st holiday season with one child tiny enough to fit into all the cute baby things and another who is old enough to point excitedly at each new thing? It truly is the best of both worlds.

The other question I had was could I love a child that is not my own? I wondered this because I love the hell out of my nieces and nephews but there's a distinct difference in types of love. Each time I babysat I'd wonder if my relationship with a new child placed with me would be the same. I can tell you from day one it was different. Do I love them the same today as four months ago? To be honest no, it's deepened to a whole other level. But I can tell you that I felt a parental love for them from day one. It's almost impossible not to since you're responsible for them. I mean not just "keep them alive" responsible but "nurture and help them thrive" responsible. This isn't to say there haven't been moments when we don't particularly like each other but really who doesn't have that. At the end of the day we know that we all love each other and our efforts are focused towards doing what is right for the kids in this moment.