Just a quick post tonight about the kids and some random thoughts. I felt and barely saw D's first little tooth on the bottom make an appearance tonight. I've been waiting for this day and now that it's here  I have to admit I'm sad we'll be loosing those gums gnawing on our fingers and that sweet toothless grin. We've chosen names for each of the kids if we're able to adopt. For him it starts with a D and her's starts with Z. We won't share until it's official since 1) it's not appropriate to call them  the new names unless we adopt 2) I feel like it jinx's us in a way.

The other random thought is something I was reminded of today from someone dear to me. I heard about the frustration of not being able to plan when you are trying for children. I remember this being a constant issue. Should we make this major purchase if we're planning to have kids, should we plan this trip if I could end up pregnant, do we buy a small car or a family car? It came up constantly and when we made the decision in favor of a future family it was often a constant reminder of how that was lacking.

This went on for 6 years and one of the most painful things that happened was the reminder of time from the kids around us. For instance we first started trying just before we found out my sister in law was pregnant with her first child. At first it was a race to see if we could do this together, then we thought we'll be just behind, then we hoped we'd time it right to be close to their second child. This of course went on and on and it would remind us of the passing of time. It was also hard with the pregnancy's of friends who were due close to when I would have been due with the child we lost.

Remembering this today made me realize the stress and thought process hasn't gone away. I still think daily about if we'll have the kids at X milestone and should we invest  in something as simple as 6 months of classes at Little Gym because we don't know that they will be with us then. I don't have advice on how to over come this but I would say it helps to just do what you want, don't put your life on hold. The worst that can happen is you're proven wrong and that's what you want to happen anyway right? Postponing that big trip because you did end up expecting or the joy of actually being able to go as the constellation prize.

The thing I'm looking forward to this year is by the end of it we'll know for sure if the kids will be with us always or not. 7 is my lucky number and I guess that's how long it's going to take for us to answer the question of what our family will look like. I can't wait to see the answer.