The end of an era

Here I am at the end of the day as I begin my last week at home with the kids before returning to work. It seems like yesterday that I cried for about an hour the night before staying home with both all by myself for a full day. Everyone told me that Little Dude would be a different baby by the time he hit three months. I just couldn't imagine how life would be different but I wanted that day to get here.

Since then Little Dude has calmed down considerably and changed in appearance a ton (well, about 8 pounds to be exact). He hasn't developed much of a routine nor is he sleeping through the night as I had hoped for. He's having quite a bit of awake time with lots of smiles now days.

Little Miss has begun walking! She hasn't gained even a pound and has regressed in speech while her comprehension of what you are saying has grown a TON. Thankfully she still sleeps like a champ for the most part.

While I know this is controversial, I will proudly say I'm ready to go back to work. Like many of my friends who are working Mom's I also believe working will make me a better Mom for my kids. I'm also excited for what my kids will get to learn and the friendships they will develop in Daycare. They are going to a small in home daycare that is just blocks from our house. It's really the best of both worlds for everyone.

I will miss having Little Dude sleeping on my chest in the afternoons. Visits to parks and the zoo mid week while things are quiet. And maybe most of all...afternoon nap time to get some chores done or one on one time with one kid or another.

I made a video today of the 5 minute meltdown Little Miss had today when she was so tired she couldn't do anything but lay there and cry. When I'm back at work it will be easy to go to all the happy memories of being home with the kids. In truth the happy time accounts for only about 30-40% of the day at this point. I need to remember that.

I'm excited and nervous about closing this chapter. I know life will get harder, for everyone. Just like our first adjustment it will take some getting used to but we'll get it in the end. Once we do the rewards we'll all reap from each parent getting to have some adult time along with the financial benefits that will grant the kids opportunities & experiences as a family will be worth it in the end. I'll be another Mom out there trying to have it all and I'm convinced after a little trial and error I will.

The Fun Stuff

We've been setting into a routine (which will change in three weeks when I return to work) and the new family life is starting to feel more like the norm. I feel like I'm emerging from survival mode. At first everything was done with the sake of just making it through the day. I mean this in terms of getting the kids adjusted into life with us and the things needed to do that.

We had less than 24 hours notice they were coming and while I had felt pretty prepared for one, I wasn't at all ready for two...especially an infant. We needed SO MANY things! The first three weeks or so felt like a marathon of trips to Target, scouring Craigslist, and the endless supply from friends and family (the lions share!). Last weekend we had a baby shower with friends and I felt like we turned a corner. At last we have the essentials needed for each kid and we've now begun to build up what I've come to consider the "fun stuff". We have extra clothes, toys, and beautiful handmade quilts that will be heirlooms. I've been able to nest in their rooms putting each of these special things in their place. The act of doing this really makes me feel more settled as a family.

While it is only things, it's an amazing feeling to not have to worry about what we'll change a diaper on or needing big items like cribs, dressers, and strollers. The scales are starting to slightly tip towards fun as opposed to work. It's kind of like going on a camping trip for the first time as a novice camper. You head out into the woods with a tent, sleeping bags, and a cooler. You've got the essentials to sleep and eat but neither are easy or comfortable. I feel like we've upgraded to our tent trailer and now have all the tools. Everyone's in a better mood when they are sleeping, comfortable, and have the tools that make life easier.

We have our last shower today with my family and I'm really looking forward to spending time with them. It also marks the end of newness in a sense in that there are now no other big welcome events on the horizon. This feels great to know we're settling in and had the BEST welcome and outpouring of love for these kids. It's been incredible!